


one million times

by boychik



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Drabble, Fluff, I love bagels, M/M, get cavities and die
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-09
Updated: 2013-12-09
Packaged: 2018-01-04 03:24:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1075950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boychik/pseuds/boychik
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’ll be here in the morning,” Kaworu says. “I promise.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	one million times

Shinji doesn’t know what time it is, but it’s pitch black outside. His bed’s not that wide, so Kaworu and Shinji have to curl up close enough to share breath.

“I’ll be here in the morning,” Kaworu says. “I promise.”

Shinji doesn’t say anything, just buries his head in Kaworu’s shoulder so he doesn’t have to look at him.

“Are you afraid?”

Shinji pulls far away enough to look into Kaworu’s eyes. They’re so close they fill his vision, the red that he’s only seen in Kaworu, gentler than the red blasted across his mind when the Angels attacked, deeper than the color of the Tokyo-3 sky at sunset.

“What are you afraid of?” Kaworu is peering at him so intently. With anyone else Shinji would have wanted to look away, look away at anything other than prying eyes that would never exist but to torture him, but it’s Kaworu, Kaworu who is slipping Shinji’s hand into his own, Kaworu who is bending to press his lips to Shinji’s knuckles one by one, Kaworu who says easily yet with all his heart, “Shinji, I love you.” 

_Shinji, this is very important. I was made for you, Shinji. I would die for you, Shinji, one million times, if I knew you would be happy. I would carve out my heart as an offering. I would play songs so you would hear me, wherever you went. Shinji. Shinji. Shinji. I love you, love you, love you…_

Kaworu whispers this to Shinji for a while, interspersed with little kitten kisses on the shell of Shinji’s ear. Kaworu’s breath is hot and his voice is so calm and beautiful, one million times better than any old mp3 player. This is all he needs, Kaworu’s arms around him so much more comforting than any blanket could hope to be. He listens to Kaworu in the enormous darkness, accepts his little licks and nibbles. It’s in this way that Shinji’s eyelids feel heavier, his mind gets foggier, and his breathing slowly evens out, until he’s finally in a dreamless sleep. It’s so easy with Kaworu by his side; all he has to do is exist.

When Shinji opens his eyes, Kaworu is gone.

There’s a small note left by the bedside, but Shinji is too scared to look at it. So he just lays there, heavy shadows on his chest, doing a perfect impression of a boy with sleep paralysis.

After too long, Kaworu appears in the doorway. “Hey,” he says, that grin same as ever. He flicks on the light. “I got you breakfast. Humans have to eat, you know!” And he laughs like something is funny.

Shinji doesn’t move.

“Hey, are you okay?” Kaworu moves to his side quicker than anyone else could. “Didn’t you see the note?”

“You came back,” Shinji says. 

“Of course I did.” Kaworu sits next to Shinji, on the edge of the bed. “With bagels.” He holds the bag aloft.

It feels like his heart is being lifted out of his chest, this huge weight of doubt and shame vanishing into the artificial light. Shinji can feel tears beading at the corners of his eyes. _Stupid, stupid, I’m so stupid!_

“Shinji,” Kaworu says. “I’ll always, always keep my promises.”

And it’s okay again, for now.


End file.
